Alive, Even in Death

The first tribute...

I was having a great evening.

I had just posted pictures from my pre-wedding shoot on WhatsApp and my contacts were showering me with love.

Oh you're so beautiful together.

Your wife is so pretty.

Congratulations!

And in the middle of all that, as I was replying to messages with the biggest smile on my face, the world came crashing down.

I received news that Byayang, my brother, was dead.

Byayang? Byayang?? Byayang???

No. It couldn't be.

Byayang was supposed to be at my wedding. His suit was ready and everything. I didn't hear about any crisis lately. Byayang was supposed to walk again someday. No, he couldn't possibly be gone.

And yet he was.

It's been a little over a month since that fateful Sunday. Every time I think about it, part of me still feels like it's not possible.

I still go back to the day we buried him. More specifically, I go back to the moment I saw him lying still in his coffin.

With a smile on his face.

I remember asking over and over. Dear God, why?

Incidentally, I had been doing some Bible study with a group of friends. We were studying the 8 I Am statements of Jesus in the book of John.

Two of the statements stood out to me in particular.

1. I Am the Good Shepherd.

2. I am the Resurrection and the Life

In the first one, the study asked a pertinent question. How can we experience Jesus as the Good Shepherd in hard times?

After all, a shepherd is supposed to protect his flock from danger, no?

Having a shepherd does not mean harsh times will not come. But in those harsh times, I can trust that my shepherd will never leave my side. And if I wander too far away, I can trust Him to search tirelessly until He finds me.

Did Byayang ever feel forsaken by God? Was he comforted by the Holy Spirit in those final moments? I can only imagine.

In my misery, the second I Am statement filled me with so much comfort and strength.

John 11:25 says…

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies”.

Even though he dies.

I keep going back to that phrase, even to this moment. Jesus promised that because of Byayang's belief, death could only snatch him away from us.

But never from God.

Byayang is alive, even in death.

How amazing is that? How comforting is that? It means the only person at a loss here is me. I'm the one who will miss him. Byayang himself has lost nothing.

Far from it. He is alive, even in death!

Man!

I have known this chapter for a long time, but it only became real to me when Byayang died. I finally understood how Mary and Martha must've felt.

And no. Byayang didn't rise from the dead. If I'm being honest, why should he? Life here is full of suffering. If God deems him fit to rest for eternity, who am I to wish this hard life for him?

I miss Byayang everyday.

At the same time, I am thankful. Byayang wasn't lost or shepherdless. He is cared for by the Good Shepherd.

He wasn't alone in his final moments.

Just like I'm not alone in my grief.

And he is alive, even in death.

Forever!