It Doesn't Matter How Good Your Intentions Are...

You cannot run from consequences

Have you ever done the wrong thing for the right reason, only to get caught?

I recently watched an episode of Law and Order that touched me. A pediatrician was on trial for organ trafficking. She would harvest organs from children who had died and send them to hospitals where other children were waiting for transplants.

She made no profit from it, but she did not take permission from the families of the dead children. She would forge consent forms to make it look like everything was in order, but she was essentially stealing organs from her dead patients.

During her trial, the debate was clear.

She had broken the law, but she was doing it for a “good” reason. Her defense was to show the children she had saved. Ultimately, the trial came down to one question.

Does the end justify the means?

She was found guilty. Her license was revoked, and she faced the prospect of going to jail. That struck me powerfully. I learned two lessons.

Good intentions will not save you from consequences.

Many people live by “the end justifies the means”. As long as your intentions are good, you see no problem with whatever you do.

Why did you lie to your daughter?

To protect her from the truth.

So that makes it okay?

The problem arises when your child grows up to find out you lied. Of course, she would be livid. She’d feel betrayed. She wouldn’t trust you anymore, and it wouldn’t matter that you did it “out of love”.

You lied. What were you expecting?

Good intentions often go out the window when misdeeds are uncovered. Actions have consequences. Such is life.

And don’t get me wrong. I’m not yet debating whether it’s noble or evil to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. I leave that to you. What I am saying is you should be willing to face the consequences when you are discovered.

Before you do it, however, be crystal clear about why.

Are you lying to your child to protect them or to protect yourself from having to explain?

Are you hiding your lifestyle from your parents to protect them or because you refuse to submit to them?

Are you hiding your tears because you want to be strong for others or because you’re too insecure to be vulnerable?

Clarify why.

Then be ready to face the music.

But that's not all.

We’ve talked about doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. What if you do the right thing for the right reason?

I watched an episode of NCIS (I know, I love old crime series) with a similar story. A young Navy corpsman came upon a horrific accident and ran to help. She saw one of the victims on the edge of life, so she quickly called 911 and performed a procedure to keep him alive before help arrived.

The only problem was that, by law, only licensed doctors and medics were allowed to perform that procedure. So she got into trouble.

She did what she felt was best. She saved the man’s life. She didn’t even have to steal or forge anything. Yet she got into trouble.

At the end, someone asked her whether she regretted it. She smiled and said she couldn’t help herself. She could never have seen someone dying and left them to die, regardless of the consequences.

That’s the crux of the matter.

Are you willing to face the consequences? Do you feel so strongly about what you’re doing that you don’t care what the consequences are?

It’s not just the law either.

Are you willing to face the anger of your friends and family because you choose to do the right thing?

Are you willing to lose your job?

How far are you willing to go?

Doing the right thing can also land you in hot soup.

Now to my second lesson.

Good intentions can be blinding

It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-justification. You believe you have good intentions, therefore, it doesn’t matter how others feel.

That is what happened to the pediatrician. She felt so strongly about saving children that she didn’t care how her actions affected others.

You don’t want to be the person whose good intentions become bad news for everyone, especially the people around you.

I know you love your child, and you’re doing this out of love, but you have to be careful not to alienate your child in the process. Your good intentions will get lost in the hurt. And nothing else will matter.

You will not achieve your goal of helping, and you will have burned a relationship.

Meghan Trainor and Teddy Swims sang a masterpiece that touches on this. It’s called Bad for Me.

The song is addressed to a loved one whose good intentions keep causing problems. Meghan sang…

Please don’t make promises that you can’t keep,

Your best intentions end up hurting me.

No matter I’ll love you endlessly,

But I gotta run, I gotta run, from your reality.

I know we’re blood, but this love is bad for me.

That's a horrible place to be. You are so blinded by your “good intentions” that you don’t care how the people around you feel.

My cousin asked me recently.

Is it better to love someone the way you want to be loved or the way they want to be loved?

What do you think of my answer?

When your “good intentions” start to hurt the people you love, that is a sign of selfish love. It’s now all about what you want, rather than what the person needs.

You need to redefine what love means and how you can do it better.

Let’s recap

1. The end does not justify the means. If you do the wrong thing for the right reason, you will still suffer the consequences.

2. You better be convinced about why you do it so that you can accept the consequences in good faith.

3. Sometimes, even doing the right thing will cost you. Are you passionate enough about the right thing that you're willing to suffer for it?

4. Selfish love puts you ahead of the person you love.

5. Your good intentions can hurt people if you are not sensitive to what they need.

The Bible says it's important to have the right motives, but don't be so self-righteous that you put your good intentions ahead of the person.

It's important to know why, but it is just as important to understand who.

That's all from me this time. Now I want to hear from you.

Have you been hurt by someone's good intentions before? Have your good intentions hurt others?

Did I get it completely wrong?

Talk to me in the comments.

Cheers 🥂